Pseudo ex-pat or ex-pat in denial?

…The mug and chopsticks holder are from Daiso (a 百えん or dollar shop equivalent that is popular in Japan). The bowl and chopsticks are from a Vietnamese supermarket in the International District...

Ok, I wrote that opener a few weeks ago. Today I went to the international district again and bought bok choy and mochi. I’m not going to say this is getting out of hand...well, I mean, I really haven’t written enough to suggest that I am...but, like, I don’t know. I guess I could be happy that I have access to food from Asia while living here in Seattle. Like the best of both worlds. And, really, when I was living in Japan, I got excited when there was a Pizza Hut and a grocery store that carried American products.

Well, availability of certain foods is one thing, but a sense of doing something worthwhile with your time is quite another. (I’m sure there’s a better way to say that.) When I was reading Fast Food Nation the other day and came across that line (written in the title section in the previous post), that just pretty much surmised what I feel...well, what I know people are thinking about where I am and what I appear to be pursuing.

The chapter that quote was from was even more profound, if not disconcerting. That statement was made to a person who had done better things in his life but circumstances ended up pressuring him to find his way in the construct of this corporate society. At the time he was attending a travel agent class and his instructor asked him said question. While he is “doing well” now (he owns about 5 Little Caesar’s Pizza joints), it’s still not really where he fits in.

For me, having seen more than what this country has to offer, it’s difficult to just settle back in and pretend that the things people value here really matter to me. Nonetheless, I’m starting to see some opportunities here and I’m investigating them. But I wonder if I’ll ever do anything as important or significant as what I was doing overseas. Yes, there was crap in the EFL industry, but ultimately, at the end of the day, I felt I was doing something worth my time.

I left Taiwan because I felt if I stayed I’d run out of the money I’d saved from Japan and end up stuck there in a rat race. I thought certainly, I’d have good opportunities in Seattle, especially with my background. But as I’ve been unable to get into the salaried fields I wanted to get into and with higher costs of living and health care in the US, I’m starting to think this could be an even worse rat race.

To go back overseas could make me look fickle, like I can’t make up my mind. But as I’d learned early on when I came back to Seattle from Taiwan...you can never “go back” (or “come back”). Time only moves forward. What I took with me from Taiwan is different than when I’d left a year earlier. So, if I were to go back overseas, it wouldn’t be the same as before. I’d take what I’ve learned here with me.

Of course, one thing I’d learned looking at Taiwan in hindsight is that maybe I should try sticking it out longer before trying something else. There are reasons I came back from Taiwan. So, I’ll keep trying to find something here. But if things don’t work out... ha ha! As I said when I was hemming and hawing over this on the other side almost two years ago...I still have that TEFL Certificate.

(Hmm...actually, this isn’t the post that I said it. But there was one where I said I still have that TEFL Certificate. Still, that post I’ve linked to is interesting to read since I was in Taiwan at the time.)